The Flame that's Gone

Burnout is very much a real thing. It eats away at your mind and makes you feel like you can’t do whatever it is you’re trying to do.

For me, burnout makes me freeze. It makes me not productive. My mind is going a million miles an hour just always wondering what I should be doing and I’m probably not doing whatever that is.

It comes in all different kinds of forms. For example, right now I’m struggling with burnout in school. But it’s also taking a toll on other parts of my life such as friendships, my relationship with Jesus, family and even this blog. Something that I enjoy but I’m getting burned out on and that’s crazy to me because how can I be so burned out on something I love?

So let’s dive into the burnout I’m facing in school.

I have about three weeks left in my semester with a summer program in Los Angeles coming up. Then I’ll return for my final semester and graduate in December. If I’m being honest it’s a lot and I’m overwhelmed.

I’ve been in college now for four years and that’s with two years of golf and two years at ASU. It has started to take its toll on me. ASU is bearing its teeth on how competitive the school really is and the uncertainty of where I’ll end up after those hats are thrown in the air is beginning to show.

I have no idea what jobs will be out there when I graduate. Just looking at that finish line so much has caused me to wonder what I’m doing in school. I’m ready to be done, but at the same time I know that I’m not going to be ready for it and I'm going to make mistakes.

Is school preparing me for the mistakes I’m going to make?

That’s just one of the many questions that has been circling in my head that has led to this mindset, this freeze that I’m in. I’m in classes wondering if I’m learning what I need for the real world. When I’m supposed to be doing something I sit there and I wonder. My mind starts drifting to all these other places and sometimes I just don’t know.

It makes me want to cry at what I don’t know. I just don’t know why I’m burned out.

Why am I not motivated to finish?

I should be going at everything with 100%, but I can’t because I don’t have it mentally due to that burnout and I don’t know how to prevent it.

Yet, this burnout has made me look to my faith. I’ve had to realize yes I’m burned out, but I need God to reignite that fire under me.

The fire won’t come from going on a hike. It won’t come from playing golf. It won’t come from talking to a cute guy. And it’s most certainly not going to come from watching Love Island when I should be doing my homework.

He is the only one that can light that fire for me to get to the end. He will be the one who motivates me to finish. I know that what He has in store for me next is good. It’s hard to believe that even the stage I’m in right now is good. He has implemented this challenge for me to become closer to Him and grow stronger in my faith.

My God is a GOOD God. He doesn’t put things in my life like this so I purposely fail. He uses it so I can use my faith as a weapon to attack when the enemy tries to tell me I can’t finish or I can’t get out of the pit.

The plans He has for my life are good. He is the Good Shepherd who will lead me through the Valley of shadow and death to the promised land and at the end of the day I need to believe His truth.