Reliance on Him

There’s been one thing that has kept me going throughout this LA journey so far.

Jesus.

When times got tough, I threw my headphones on, sat on the bathroom floor, and worshipped. When I was confused, I sat down at the desk, and opened my Bible, turning to any verse. When things got overwhelming, I stood still and sent up a prayer.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve just sat and listened to worship music, playing the same song over and over until I had chills, feeling the presence of the Spirit wash over me. (also, I highly recommend Red Rocks Worship. They literally have a song for every season you may be going through). There have been times when have to shut out the world and just worship. That’s what I need. I need Jesus.

I’m not going to make it through the suffering by suffocating myself with my content. I won’t do it by venting my situation to every friend possible. And the peace won’t come from opening a rom-com book instead of the Lord’s book.

Every time I’ve been asked for prayer requests, it remains the same throughout this time.

“To take things day by day and trust the Lord, He is in control.”

Yet that’s something I struggle with so much.

I love being in control. Knowing what tomorrow will bring while the day I’m in has barely begun. But He tells us not to worry about tomorrow. It’s literally a command in the Bible to not worry! How crazy is that!

He calls us to depend on Him for everything and that means giving up the control we think we have. I’ve thought for years coming into this experience I could control what happens, but clearly that has not been the case. Had it been up to me, I wouldn’t have had complications with roommates, felt the loneliness sink in with every FaceTime call, and dropped this program a week after I got here.

But I’m still standing and I only have Jesus to thank for that. He has provided me with the firm foundation to come to a new place and rely on Him more than I ever have. And maybe that’s why He lead me to this place. He knew that I would look to Him and learn to renew my strength in Him even when it’s hard.

While I find that I’m able to see Jesus clearer in the suffering, this process has allowed me to see His glory within everything. The ups and downs. The successes and mistakes. He is everywhere! Nothing I do is for myself or to have the validation of others, it’s all for Him. And I’ve seen Him deliver me from times of suffering, but now it’s magnified that I’m alone and have to look within to draw near to Him. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, am I mad at God for leading me to Los Angeles? No. Sure, I’m confused as to why He brought great people into my life only to leave them a couple of months later. And, uncertain as to what will happen with my future job now that I don’t have one. But I do know one thing.

I wouldn’t have been able to make it this far without my protector watching over me every step of the way. The one who knows all my steps. He who is in my tomorrow so I don’t have to worry about it.

OK YALL, I was going to include the verse from Matthew 6 where it says “Do not be anxious for tomorrow, tomorrow will be anxious for itself” and when I opened my Bible app to look up the verse, the verse of the day WAS ONE OFF. YOU GUYS THAT IS GOD DOING GOD THINGS RIGHT THERE!

Anyway, the verse I was going to refer to was Matthew 6:34, “Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

God is doing some crazy things, but I know He’s got me and I have nothing to worry about.