2022: A rollercoaster year

Everything I saw on Instagram on December 31 and January 1 claimed how for most it was the greatest year. They experienced so much and did everything they set out to do that year while progressing in life as well. I wanted to post something for 2022, I did, but I couldn’t.

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t celebrate a year where I lost a friend to a fatal car accident. A year where a family member who’s supposed to love you, abandons you. A year of my eating disorder getting worse and self doubt creeping around every corner. A year of finding out I didn’t get a dream job (multiple times). These things and more plagued my year that did have its good moments.

For example, I met one of my best friends because I didn’t get an internship. I grew closer to God through my struggles in healing from the loss of my friend. And I learned to be more confident in how my body is and focusing on my health rather than my looks.

It started off like any other year. Ringing in the new with my cats and watching a Hallmark movie. I would be going back to school soon and work would pick up again. Things would be the same as usual.

And they were just with some new experiences.

I had the chance to volunteer at the WM Phoenix Open and it was one of the most amazing experiences. Honestly just getting to walk into hole 16 was pretty cool. I liked to think the crowd was secretly cheering for me.

A month later for spring break, my mom and I went to San Diego where I played Torrey Pines and hiked around the State Reserve. I also met one of the most interesting people while playing at Torrey. He was a fellow Christian and we got to talk about God together. We even discovered we were both reading the Bible cover to cover at the same time and only a chapter apart. Pretty crazy if you ask me. Just God doing God things.

And then I turned around and went to Disneyland with one of my friends at the time and it was the longest trip of my life. Never spend 15 hours in Disneyland.

In between all these experiences, I was also working almost every weekend, furthering my relationships with these junior golfers and getting to know them better. This in turn makes the job a bit more enjoyable. And the photos I was taking began to get a little better with each tournament. I even continued on my sports journalism path at school and doing that on the weekdays and only did homework a couple times at work.

Yet somehow when that first week of May rolled in, I made it through my second semester at ASU and even helped our team secure a repeat victory at the JGAA Quintero Cactus Cup. (Thanks to my amazing caddy skills to boost players).

And soon enough I was back in Yuma for work. A place that we say we don’t like, but secretly do because it gives us all a chance to bond before the summer season really gets underway. It also signals that summer is in session and it’s about to get hot in Arizona.

For the summer months, work continued. The typical 14-hour days in the 110+ degree heat makes you question why you chose to spend your summer like that. And yet there I was doing the same thing for the second year in a row and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

While I originally didn’t want to be doing that job all summer, I’m happy I did. For months I had my heart set on going to Florida for the PGA Tour internship program and basically had my bags packed when I was told I would be moving on to the interview stage. But a power outage during the interview recording (yes, I kid you not) threw me off my game and honestly it wasn’t meant to be. I was crushed for a long time, but then I never would have met one of my best friends Taylor. I wouldn’t have caddied for a good friend. I wouldn’t be sitting here thanking God for all those long summer days that grew me in ways beyond my greatest imagination.

Of course, come mid-August it was time to go back to school (after canceling a tournament due to flooding on both courses. Arizona am I right)? I wish I could say things stayed going smoothly, but these last few months are when my year took a turn and 2022 left a sour taste in my mouth.

September brought struggles with friendships and loneliness when I took a road trip by myself to San Diego. Along with this, the fight with my eating disorder was waging on me once again and took its toll on my mental health. I was constantly thinking about it and the effects it began to have.

Taylor also had to go back to her school eventually. I wished she could have stayed in Phoenix, but she had to go be a star on her own golf team. But I was always rooting for her in Texas (and still am)!

So September brought me things that one might not consider good. But October is the one I wanted to forget.

I received a phone call one night from one of my junior golf friends saying a fellow golfer who was our friend passed away in a car accident. The three of us made a little trio out there on the course and everyone’s day was always made better by this man. While I didn’t know him super well, I knew him well enough to know that this shouldn't have happened.

Days later, I learned I might not graduate when I originally thought due to not taking a prerequisite class for a program, potentially pushing me back another year. After weeks of tears and not knowing what to do, God provided a solution and I found myself back on track (kind of, still graduating late, but what can you do?)

Throughout the month, I continued to heal, leaning on God asking for rest and peace. It took a while, but He provided as always.

School had been going well, but with each passing day in my sports classes I saw the disparity between men and women. The way we’re looked at and questioned. It ate away at my confidence and made me wonder what I was doing, but I had to remind myself of the mission I’m on: To prove women can do it just as well as the men.

And finally, it was December. Life was finally calming down and I was settling back into my routine after all the chaos until Christmas came.

My mom and I flew up to Oregon, just barely missing an ice storm to hit Portland that would only land in my hometown the next day, canceling all our scheduled plans. I ended up not being able to see one of my best friends and a shortened meeting with another, only catching up on the surface level topics.

Monday morning, when we were supposed to leave, our flight was canceled. The airline told us it would be days before they could get us on a flight and with both my mom and I having work in the coming days, we did what we had to. So we packed up the rental car and drove two days back to Phoenix. What a way to close 2022.

So while 2022 wasn’t ideal, it was definitely a rollercoaster. The highs were high and the lows were low. I’m grateful for the experiences I had and the ways God showed up even when I didn’t think anything good could happen. I’m praying for a good one this year and to keep pushing through whatever the days may bring.